?

Log in

I translated a few poems by Vladimir Gandelsman, a contemporary… - Les Bons Mots [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Translation journal

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[Aug. 18th, 2005|06:34 pm]
Translation journal

bons_mots

[oliandy]
I translated a few poems by Vladimir Gandelsman, a contemporary Russian author who lives in New York. He uses rhyme beautifully in the original (you will see my attempts to render it without making the poem sound hurdy-gurdy in English).

English is not my native language, and any feedback from native speakers with a fine sensitivity to the language would be terrific.

***
The phenomenal quality of my life, of walking,
the pull force of breathing,
the freezing morning’s empty volume,
and in it, my stepping;

one fall into life, into the slipcover
of skin, into vertical people’s logic, into the discussion over
muscle, and bone, and joint,
that’s accepted on earth at this point—-

and I walk to the bus stop and stand there, cold;
and I can’t help it but squirm
my toes in their boots. All of me is one well-aimed shot
of being, and its one term.

Thank you for your time.
(X-posted)
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: illusionofasoul
2005-08-18 04:40 pm (UTC)
Would it be possible to see the original russian as well?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: oliandy
2005-08-18 04:48 pm (UTC)
Of course, thank you for asking :)

Владимир Гандельсман

Феноменальность жизни моей, шага,
вдоха грудная тяга,
коченеющий утра пустой объем
и шаги мои в нем.

В жизнь упавший, в чехле
кожи, с принятой на земле
логикой мышц, суставов, костей
вертикальных людей -

я иду к остановке и там стою
безмолвно и не перестаю
шевелить от холода пальцами ног,
весь - удар прицельного бытия и его срок.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)